As authentically. As deeply. As bodaciously. As possible.
Perhaps this is where you would expect to read a long list of my credentials that may, or may not, provide you with proof of my trustworthiness and personal integrity. Naturally, an overview of my professional background is what would determine the value, expertise and competency of my person.
I´d be damned if I do and damned if I don't, because that overview may, or may not, meet the general or professional standards proclaimed by those who cling to academic achievements, titles, and status symbols. Such expectations and standards would of course elevate me to an imaginary position of worth in the delusive social hierarchy, and would boost my importance within the capricious and rather superficial world of business. Fuck that!
I gladly abscond from the socially-engineered rat race that would ultimately merit the desirable and most sought-after label → VIP, which can only be granted once all the superfluous expectations have been met. Sorry, not sorry, but I’m gonna have to disappoint you, because although my list would be long, it no longer represents who I am today.
Who I am when no one is watching and how I show up without the camouflage of a false sense of entitlement is of utmost importance to me. To break free of the shackles my emotional, cultural and social environments deftly bestowed upon me has taken some time. Today, it is my absolute prerogative to step aside societal moulds and to refuse the roles shrewdly designed for me and not by me.
There are countless younger versions of myself that I am eternally grateful for. Why grateful? They went through so much shit and never stopped dreaming. They understood on an innate and intuitive level, that to dream meant to envision a life very different to the existing one.
My younger versions trusted that a different reality could be achieved as long as that dream was clung to with a great sense of personal responsibility. Regardless of their fear, they took constant steps to progressively shift the paradigm.
Was it easy? Hell no! Each version went through so much disappointment and heartache that often held them hostage in emotional meltdowns for a longer period of time. Albeit, they chose to rise above the challenges instead of drowning in emotional self-pity, or stagnating in a safe, predictable, mundane life.
Every decision we make or action we take comes with a consequence. The more one steps out of line by refusing to be "normal", the harsher the consequences are. Loss and rejection is a given, especially when one´s character and behaviour does not align with the high expectations of others.
Normally the one behind the camera taking photos, pics of myself make me cringe. Eew! Always posing and hopeful that the camera will bring out the very best in me for all to see and ultimately admire. Who gives a shit! Well, we obviously do. There seems to be such desperation to get the likeable image in the Instagram poses, don´t ya think?
Of course, I'm grateful for my mature, poser versions, too. They experienced the initial stages of mainstream Internet. They observed the overpowering influence of social media which nurtures idolatry & false values, favours financial & social status, and perpetually cultivates the need to candidly display a fake reality of one's own life. WTF!
My versions have understood how easy it is to become indoctrinated by the perversely superficial, social media standards that ruthlessly define the value and worth of a person, an image, an action, or a comment. As we all know, value is easily determined by simply pressing a like or dislike button, or by the number of views, false friends, followers, or subscribers a platform has.
Because of numerous, online rendezvous and easily accessible social connections with the world, today's version thankfully understands the difference between false, online friendships and true friends, and the superficial, social standards of worthiness and self-worthiness. My self-worth is no longer reliant on a like button. Now that's what I call social freedom!
Just like everyone else, former versions of myself were drawn to belong or to be a part of something/anything, and willingly compromised who they were, what they did, and what they valued so they could fit into false friendships and social norms. The difference between myself and others soon became blurred. Now "un-blurred" and disconnected from the perpetual vomiting of the social conditioning and indoctrination skilfully propagated through social media channels, today's version is proud to say that her addictive attachment to social accolades is in a state of sobriety.
Tomorrow, today's version will be history - and so the cycle continues.
I bodaciously choose to forge my own path and not one pre-determined by external influences. I surrender to my infinite potential and creative uniqueness, and defy the predictable lifestyle and meagre existence that emits a fallacious, yet rather common sense of comfort and normality indoctrinated into the minds of so many. To compromise my values and obediently conform, or to endeavour fitting in so that I may experience a sense of belonging, acceptance, understanding and love, is a tune I no longer sing to. I revel in my “Is-ness”. Fuck yeah!
